Archive for August, 2009

In a couple of months, I will be embarking on the great and painful journey known as labor and delivery. I’m not a novice at it anymore, having delivered four babies already. But I always feel completely inexperienced when the actual time comes, knowing that each delivery is different and that one can’t always anticipate what can and does happen. For instance, my third delivery was so easy and fast that I felt overly confident about giving birth. My fourth delivery was such a different experience, taking much longer and full of more pain than I had anticipated. It shook me to the core, so much so, that for a long time I wasn’t even sure I ever wanted to have another baby again. In preparation for the big day, I’ve been thinking about my experiences, reading books, and in general trying to prepare differently. I’ve realized that my problem with labor is not the pain, but rather that I cannot multi-task during contractions or the hours of waiting.

In three out of four my deliveries, I was so intent on trying to ignore what was happening with my body and doing something “productive” to pass the time until the moment of pushing arrived. I always failed dismally. I guess it’s taken me too long to realize that the big event isn’t just the pushing, but that I need to be more fully engaged in the whole process of labor itself, not feeling impatient with it, but rather relaxing into the flow of the rhythm of my body preparing itself to deliver a new baby.

Unfortunately, my need to fill my time with other “productive” tasks spills over into my daily life. It’s not a bad thing to sew or scrapbook while watching t.v. or listening to the radio, but too often I try to read while half-heartedly playing with my children. I want to be more present in the moment, not trying to be productive every single minute. Because this life I’m leading, is IT. The time with my children cannot be retrieved.

Do any of you struggle with this problem or have you learned how to enjoy the moment you are in, not filling it up with tasks? Any thoughts you want to share about things you’ve learned from labor? I would love to hear from youl.


Read Full Post »

Yes, I am alive

Remember that major life lesson I mentioned several weeks ago? Well, it has been the catalyst for changes. Some pleasant, others decidedly unpleasant.

In a nutshell, after a major conflict with our landlord, we were finally able to move on August 8th. Our landlord wasn’t forcing us to move, but he was so unreasonable and awful that we were desperate to leave. It’s been a mess to deal with and we’ve had to hire a lawyer. It still isn’t completely resolved, but we are finally in a new home. The move was accomplished without a lot of work from me, thanks to my husband, and some wonderful ward members. We are still surrounded by many boxes in our new place, but the essentials are unpacked: the kitchen and the books.  

The funny thing about this move is that it has completely overshadowed our lives. And I keep forgetting that we did indeed have some nice moments this summer. Our trip was great. The kids attended a fun half-day playground camp 2 or 3 times a week. We’ve enjoyed the lake and beach. And it hasn’t been overwhelmingly hot until last week when we moved.  

The boys start school in less than two weeks. And my due date rapidly approaches. It is hard to believe that in less than three months, we’ll have a new baby in the house. Wow! Nothing like outward stress to make one’s pregnancy fly by.

I hope to more active with entries. Oh, and thanks to all the people who commented from Luisa’s blog. I found it amusing that so many people stopped by when the quantity and quality of blog entries has been decidely lacking in the past few months. Hopefully, you’ll drop by again when I’ve something a little more worthwhile reading.

Read Full Post »