In a couple of months, I will be embarking on the great and painful journey known as labor and delivery. I’m not a novice at it anymore, having delivered four babies already. But I always feel completely inexperienced when the actual time comes, knowing that each delivery is different and that one can’t always anticipate what can and does happen. For instance, my third delivery was so easy and fast that I felt overly confident about giving birth. My fourth delivery was such a different experience, taking much longer and full of more pain than I had anticipated. It shook me to the core, so much so, that for a long time I wasn’t even sure I ever wanted to have another baby again. In preparation for the big day, I’ve been thinking about my experiences, reading books, and in general trying to prepare differently. I’ve realized that my problem with labor is not the pain, but rather that I cannot multi-task during contractions or the hours of waiting.
In three out of four my deliveries, I was so intent on trying to ignore what was happening with my body and doing something “productive” to pass the time until the moment of pushing arrived. I always failed dismally. I guess it’s taken me too long to realize that the big event isn’t just the pushing, but that I need to be more fully engaged in the whole process of labor itself, not feeling impatient with it, but rather relaxing into the flow of the rhythm of my body preparing itself to deliver a new baby.
Unfortunately, my need to fill my time with other “productive” tasks spills over into my daily life. It’s not a bad thing to sew or scrapbook while watching t.v. or listening to the radio, but too often I try to read while half-heartedly playing with my children. I want to be more present in the moment, not trying to be productive every single minute. Because this life I’m leading, is IT. The time with my children cannot be retrieved.
Do any of you struggle with this problem or have you learned how to enjoy the moment you are in, not filling it up with tasks? Any thoughts you want to share about things you’ve learned from labor? I would love to hear from youl.